Sounder SIGN UP FOR FREE
The Weekly Cheek
The Weekly Cheek

Episode · 1 week ago

91. GIVING OUR FOLLOWERS ADVICE

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

In this episode, we're giving our Instagram followers completely unqualified advice!

Find us online at cheekmedia.com.au and on socials @cheekmediaco, and become a Patron for $4 per month!

Hello, I'm Kristin PARISINATO and I'm Hannah Ferguson and where CO founders of Cheek Media Co. This is the weekly Cheek podcast. Before we start the PODCAST, I'd like to acknowledge that we are on stolen aboriginal land of the young and terrible people, and I'd like to acknowledge I'd like to acknowledge their elders, past and present. Welcome back to the weekly cheeks. Welcome. Today we're doing advice, which we are not qualified to give, but I love it some qualified advice based on vibes, based on it's based on more than vibes. So we put up a how to put up a story asking for advice, long form advice, and we're going to give it. Okay, this first one is so spicy and it's my favorite one. I haven't heard any of this, so it's actually what prompted this was someone sent us a message just like a few days ago and was like Hey, I know this is I'm asking for Free Labor, so feel free to ignore this, but how do you feel about this question, like about something's happening in my life? And I read it and I was like, I don't really want to do free labor. But what I do want to do is use this content. I'm obsessed with how she she's like, if this is free labor, feel free to even I kind of love that, like this person is a total vibe. So thank you so much. And I messaged back and I was like, Hey, what do you think about US discussing this on the podcast? Could you send it to me in long form, in like a dramatic way, yes, so that we can read it? And then she was like shopping and then sent it. So I'm like, so you're going to read the first bit that we first got, or you're going to read the whole thing? Ah, what would you like to do? I can't want to read the whole thing. Okay, great, I don't think there's actually gonna be that much a difference between that copy. All right, sorry, here we go. A friend of mine is a self proclaimed feminist, a trait she values highly. However, a few years ago she had an affair with a married man. She has recently started pursuing another man who is in a relationship. Both pre existing relationship wore monogamous in this light, can she truly be considered a feminist? M H it's the repeated pattern of behavior. For me that is not feminist behavior and I think that one of the things that comes back to is that a lot of the time there's this big sort of debate when people have extra matal affairs or infidelity occurs where people say, they talk about the fault of the third party, the other woman or man, the mistress or whatever. I hate the language. Yes, and too often, in my opinion, the blame and fault is placed not on the Cheetah but on the other person. And I think it's interesting because it tends to happen with women towards other women, and I don't know if it's like this. I think it's this faux sense of like sisterhood or whatever, and I'm like, Oh, I'm sorry, but they didn't make a commitment to you. And while I think that they have something to answer for morally, I don't think it's their fault they are not in a committed relationship. I think the problem lies in that individual knowing that person is in a relationship, has pursued them an act of the sort them out and sometimes they don't...

...know, but the person who made the commitment has it is their fault they have breached something. They have sort of, and not to be really clinical about it, but they have breached some sort of contract, rights, a promise, and the third party, while morally, has done something wrong. And I would argue it's not feminist. Yes, it's, it's not. I can't sent it when women are like, it's your fault, you took my man, but like the whole. I'm sorry, but Joline by Dolly Parton is a Fox so banger, but fuck, but fuck the okay, the thing for me is that like, obviously, if, if you if, if a woman pursues a man and then they have some kind of relationship and it turns out he's in a relationship and she didn't know, obviously the man is fully out fault and the like. In my mind, and I know that victim is like is alerted term, but in my mind both the women are them victims of his him being a fuckhead. The clear. I think I'm a little bit more aggressive than you on this. Um Shocking. That's crazy, girl, because while I think that someone pursuing again, like so straet so, while I think that a woman pursuing a man or like getting with a man who is married or in a monogamous relationship. I still think that the fault sits mostly with the person who is married, mostly with the man in the scenario. I still think that she has a lot to answer for and for me it comes down to why the funk would you want to do that? Why would you want to be with I have concealed part of it from you. Oh my God, for fun. Well, for fun, I thought I'll leave this till this part. Okay, because I assume do you'd get here. I know your Queen. I know this is only going to stress sitting there like it's only going to stress in argument. I have a feeling I know what's going to say. In both instances she has been convinced that the men are unhappy in their relationships, that they don't love their partners, that they want to leave them and that they love her. So far, this hasn't happened. They have stayed with their partners. Okay, I don't want to be aggressive towards this woman, but get a fucking grip. This woman is not going to listen to this podcast. I'm sorry, but if you're that person, you don't listen to cheek, get a fucking grip. Okay, and I know that sometimes it is a bit harder than that, and it's like a lot of people have insecurities that do you manifest in this way, and if that is the case, then like, please seek therapy if it is. If it is not a therapy reason, get a fucking grip if they are. And also, I just it really bothers me when it's like the other in this case, other woman is like this mouthpiece for the man. Oh, they're really unhappy she doesn't love him. They're going to get like, what the what are you like? Are you his lawyer, like talking about? What the Fund are you talking...

...about? He's just like using you to be like, well, doesn't do this like you do analogy. You're not so much more beautiful than her. That is a funk. That's a patriarchy, pitting two women against each other. Open her eyes. That is not and I don't want to say like this woman is not a feminist, but that is not a feminist thing to do, and if you have done it twice in a row, you really need to consider how that how how does your feminism fit into this move? I agree with you, moves. I don't know. I don't even have anything to add, because I agree. It's just like, come on, if they want to leave, they would have fucking left. And, like to be honest, if it's like a separation and it's not fully divorced yet, I actually don't have a problem with that. It's a separation and that takes time. But also, I think, not equally, but just as much, because I think you have every right to be fucking angry if you're the woman that's being cheated on, get a fucking group. If you're blaming the woman alone, I fucking can't stand that. It is your partner that's doing this, is your partner that's convinced his other person that he's going to leave you like that's humiliating and embarrassing and chainful and all these things. But Holy Fuck, if your if your blame is misdirected towards her, thinking that it's she's not joline, she's not filling your man, they're actively participating in some sort of sexual relationship, that's just taking any power away from the man, which I'm like, and in this situation he has all of the power. If I was in if I was in a scenario where I was in a monogous relationship with a man married whatever, would never get married Um. And this happened to me and, like another woman, I would like them. The man I'd be like, you're fucking dead to me, and the woman I'd be like, I feel so I'm not betrayed by but I'd be like you're pathetic, like that's how I would feel. I'd be like that's a pathetic and sad to be quite honest, like I actually feel bad for you, because it's just like it's mostly his fault, but she has participated in something knowing exactly full well what she was doing, and that's just like really sad in diamond on the world, and that's why we need feminism. So true the end. Do you want to read? Yes, I had a friend. Okay, should I alright, cool, it's it's like a summary and then some more context. Had A friend group ostracized me because one member of this group and I had a large disagreement. The end result was that I became rejected by not just one but many people I deemed as important in my life. So ensure what's the best way to deal with rejection by friends on a large scale, and how do you manage that. For more context, the most information that I could gather behind the reasoning why the others were unhappy with me is that these friends told me I no longer spent enough time with them after meeting my partner, even though I was seeing most of these friends at least fortnightly for dinner, drinks, et Cetera. MM HMM, friend group and stops. Friend group stuff is really hot, I think always. And to be fair, like in high school, I was just...

...the worst, like I was like saying group Changer, like I would owe you one of those. I would flick people from the group, the worst. You would keep people out of the group Queen, and it was really bad. Like sometimes I have dreams where I wake up and I'm like, Oh my God, year nine, we should we should all go get like some kind of lobotomy that takes. You totally agree. But yes, I switched groups, made new groups stop. Go on, we should get a t shirt that says I'm sorry for what I did in grade nine. I'm gonna write that down. So so for interrupting your very rude hang on notes. App I love it. Oh my God, I've opened my notes up, but this is what the first thing says, I have no idea what this is. We'll give up on learning something if not immediately good at it. Is Your therapy notes. I realize what it is. It took me a minute. You know those videos, like the dancing videos I do, where it's like this is a list of ideas for eldest daughter. It's like, Oh, this is something deep, I'm making have a ticket out of video. But it's the eldest thing, just the eldest sort of things, dancing video, and it says we'll give up on learning something you're not immediately good at it. Next one, words of affirmation. Now Your Love Lan, which I think those are both correct. Not For me, but I'm sorry for what I did in the nine perfect put on shirt. I am very much oldest daughter, but I also I don't like you. It's very confusing. I don't like words of affirmation. They annoyed me. Actually, God, you're just thought. I only want to be affirmed by myself. Like if someone says I'm doing a good job, I'm like, I knew hell. But then sometimes when I say something good to you about what you've written, you're like and tell me more, and then when that happened? What did you like? Okay, so, for example, everyone, sorry to detail from the advice. The other day you wrote something and you you walk into my office and I said the first tile is weak, because if that was probably the most aggressive thing he was ever given to me. She said the first tile, frankly, is weak. You didn't say frankly. Oh, sorry, first is weak. Yeah, and then you were like coming in to tell me a story. So then you stopped in your tracks, look like a deer in headlight, and I was like fun, why don't I say like that? And then I was like, but the rest of it is so perfect, mean, like it's like the most perfect thing I've ever read. And then you were like, you were like standing there and afterwards you were like it's really good feedback. I hate when I like validation. And I was like everyone needs validation. You please accept you're not a plant like sucking hell anyway. Stack to it, back to it. But the other thing is like that's the kind of you could give me that...

...feedback, but I would never give you that feedback. That's what we said in the moment. A week one, the weak one. Sometimes you do know. In this way, those words were surprisingly aggressive. But yeah, but you wouldn't have said them if you didn't think I could hand if you didn't know I could handle them. I think it was like I was in a fun mood and I was like it's a weak queen, but we didn't say she did not say in a fun way. Let the record reflect. She was just like in my mind I was like in a fun mood. I was like, well, it's obvious that I'm being fun. What what? What it takes. It was, but in my it came across as like the rest of the article is really good and the frontiers letting you down into it. Yeah, anyway, that's all insight into how we run cheek. And then Christian was like I'm going somewhere and I was like, I'll just do the first time. Do you want to be shown? No, so then I just did it. No, I never want to seat it again because he rup set me. But it went really well, didn't it? Because of the whole article? Yes, great time, dynamic duo. Go back to the friend group thing. I actually think this reasoning that's been provided is one of the most common breakdowns of friendship. Not a whole group, though I'm kind of surprised by the whole group. I would like to know from this person how often they're expected to hang out with these people. Yeah, once a like fortunately, is a lot in this opinion. It's a group, but it depends on age and things like. At Union I would spen like twelve hours a day with my friends every single day of the week, and so it was like if it was once a fortnight, we just wouldn't bother upee each other. But now, if we, if I saw a friend once a thought, that would be like a very frequent friendship. Yes, but then again, US we can't go two days without seeing each other. Don't have to forward. That's generally what I'm going to see a movie. Would you like to be there? Okay, this is what my my immediate take is that there it's actually nothing to do with meeting the partner. Someone has just like concocted that as the reason. No, I think that's fair, because that's what I think. Well, I actually think it's surprising that they haven't given you a real reason, because the point of me saying the Nasty Shit about myself in your nine is I would always tell them, okay, you're leaving, that you're out of the group because Blah, yeah, so actually not, not, actually not every time. I remember two times I didn't do that, but I think I would like to give someone the reason they've upset me. I think it's really important to communicate and give feedback and say, I think this isn't working because of this in this situation. If that is the reason, I think you need to know, like, also to this person. Do you think that you are spending so much time with your partner and your friends are jealous of that? I think that is something as like, depending on your age as well, that can become a real thing, especially when so like I know one of my friends, is one of my really good friends, is single and her close friends are in like a long term relationships, and I know that she gets a bit like upset when when people, when her housemates, are away with their partners and Blah, blah, blah, Blah Blah, and I'm just like, but we're at the agehere that's kind of just becoming a thing and people obviously like I don't think that romantic relationships should be like the be all...

...and end all and prioritized, but I do think that they are more they have a sense of closest that you don't really achieve with platonic friends, and I think that there is like, especially when you're first getting to know someone, you kind of do just spend more time with them naturally, like you're trying to deal with something, and I think there's a space for that. But I think that one where, especially in early twenties, it's kind of hard to deal with that change and transition. So I can understand friends being genuinely jealous, and especially if you're hanging out ay day and then you're not. I feel like that's something you should keeps yourself. What if you're jealous, I think it's azing. I don't think it's fair to be telling the person that, unless you're like, unless you actually like sucking ghost to them. If you have gone from seeing each other like every every couple of days to them like once every a couple of times a month and you don't like that, I think it's fair to communicate that you want to see them more. Yes, I think it's I think jealousy is a weird emotion to feel about that, because they're two completely separate things. Like I find that a bit yeah, because your Parton doesn't mean you kind of any friends? No, it's like that, but I mean the friends and jealous. Yeah, that's what I mean. Like, it's not, like. I don't understand why, like someone who has a friendship with you, like, you're not competing. No, it's complete. I was jealous of your partner. That would be fucking strange. It would be weird. You want to live in my home. Thanks, I'm here right now. Wow, can live in here to be terrible. Live together, work together, social lives with each other being our new friends. God, it's toxic. I just think I think you're I think it's whether it's the correct reason and they're just like distance be for a whole friendship group to do that. But that's why I think it's so. It's like so this person who sent it in had a UM disagree with one person and the whole then the whole group. That just to me is just like. But I don't buy the dynamic in that group. I don't buy that it's about the partner at all. No, I think that's ridiculous because I think that someone with that much could control over a whole group. It can't be about the partner. They wouldn't care. They I think. Unfortunately, I think that probably the person you had a disagreement has, like talked a lot of shit about you. That's awful. It is it's really bad. But also, I think the advice question is, how do you deal with that? I would suck them all off, personally, but I know that's what every're already they're already sucked off. Well, the actual question is the best way to deal with rejection by friends on a large scale. How do you manage that? Okay, so you're right, they're already sucked off. First step achieved. Um, I think. I think it's important to remember that when I know it's hard to remember that, but when these sorts of things happen, it's kind of for the best, like in a way you've dodged some sort of bullet. And they're not your friends. If this is the way that it can fall apart and they're not your friends, that they can be easily influenced and they can't ask the question or communicate at a quately. Also, by the sounds of things, you have a solid relationship going on. That's a nice thing, not that you should only be reliant on that, because that's unhealthy too, but I think that the next step, and I think one of the hardest thing to acknowledge that...

...we don't talk about enough is how hard it is to make new friends as an adult. Very difficult. It's very challenging. That's why I only have two friends, really two, we're not going to get anything. I mean I like all the people I work with now, so that's like a little in built group. Yes, it is, but I don't have that many friends and like I purposely haven't looked for them, but even if I did, I feel like I wouldn't have that anymore. It's nice. Maybe how to handle there's no there's actually no right way to handle it, because it's an awful fucking thing. It's probably one of the most traumatizing things happen to you as a person and it's a very formative experience, I think, having friendship rejections and friendship group changes, especially as an adult, when you felt like those relationships was secure, and also you're kind of like expect it to happen, like at school it's just like, well, that's what happens, but when it's an adult it's always there's a part of you and we'll speaking from my experience, as a part of it. It's always like I thought I was done with this ship, like in high school. Absolutely, I think, but it's also it's a natural thing, like, Oh God, did you hear that just I think one of the things that especially between, I think nineteen and twenty three, because I'm twenty four, I'm going to say that, and we've tasted it now. Personally, as of two, I think you find that when you see old friends over time, you feel that distance grow and you feel those changes become more apparent. So, like when I see you versus some other friends, I noticed a difference, not like the nature of the friendship changes and the expectations, and I find that I want a natural progression of our expectations of each other to change. So, like, obviously we work together. We wouldn't if we just didn't work together and didn't do cheek. How often we see each other? Not Very often, probably not right. So it's just like convenience for us. It truly is. But with my friends, a lot of them move into states. So it's like when we see each other it's quite intense. But if they were around, I would be like please, once a fortnight Max, once a fortnite. fucking Max, I have stuff to talk about with you, and I don't know if that's mean, but it's like I need equal expectations from those friendships. Like if you're expecting to facetime every week and, you know, talk for hours and Blah, blah, blah, Blah Blah. Sure, if you're in need, I'm more than happy to be there. On point, like making all the effort, like I will send the birthday presents, I'll do that, and that's a normal friendship expectation. If someone's struggling or if just general stuff. But what it comes down to, his friendship is a lot about shared expectations and I think that's something we don't discuss enough. Some people just want a lot from a friendship and others just want to see each other twice a year. Yeah, I think that's something we don't discuss, because I think that's one of the crucial breakdowns, is how busy people are and how often need to catch up and just like shared yeah, yeah, because at the end of the day, and like I've had, um some friendship breakdowns that have been like pretty bad. Never a group, and I think it's just a very different thing. But, like even though it sucks for a while, like afterwards I feel nothing but like...

...rateful that it was, that it's like over, because, unfortunately, when you're if you're going to spend time with people like you don't want to spend time with people who it can all like fall apart based on something like that. Unfortunately, and I know that advice is so annoying, that's like it will be good in the long run, but it will be. And I think it also every time you have a friendship breakdown like that, like I've had friendship breakdowns with people I was friends with four years, like I'm talking like a decade, and every time that happened I learned a bit more about like red flags lookout for. Earlier, Oh my God, I forgot about one that I liked. I worked for an MP and I was recently given a promotion to a leadership slash advisory position after a recent election in sparkly emojis that I'm really happy and excited about. I worked incredibly hard during the campaign, but I'm in my in asterisks, early twenties, and I feel like I've undercut people who have been around for longer work just as hard, or harder and have more experience to get this sort after job. One of my bosses is really taking me under his wing, talking about my potential and inverted quotations, and is using his limited time to give me training and attention that the other staff are craving. I can sense them starting to resent me. Question Mark. My coworkers subtly but constantly bring up my age. I'm the baby of the office in quotations. Every time they reference a pop culture moment, they go well that. Well, you were probably too young for that, even if it happened fairly recently. Maybe I'm projected, not overthinking it, but I've seen before as especially young women who rise quickly in political ranks, get verbally torn down behind the scenes, people thinking they've had things handed to them. It makes me angry. I feel insecure in my abilities, insecure about always being the youngest and one of a handful of women in the room. I feel like it's bringing your daughter to work day sometimes when I'm in meetings. I love where I work and what I do, but I'm so worried about perception. Any suggestions how I count my insecurity in the new role? Oh my God, that makes me so angry. And Sad. Okay, first all, I just want to say, and I obviously don't know this is all the details we've got, but just like keep your eyes out for any your behavior from this man. But I hate that. Seems like it's fine. But but unfortunately, like, unfortunately, what she's worried about is are saying that sort of exact thing, and that's the perception. But it's not about her. For me, it's about the man. Well, for me it's more just about like, well, okay, for me, there's these are two separate things. First of all, there I'm sure, unfortunately, and I just want to be honest, they're probably are rooms going around, that there's something going on between you and this met Um, and you probably already know that, obviously. Um. So that is one thing and I think that's really fucked up and disturbing and it makes me hate it and it's a reason why we need feminism, Um. But another thing is just like you know, I mean we've all seen things like that. Just turned really bad. So just like stay safe and look after yourself. Is All I want to say. And it's not your fault if anything happens, obviously, UM, funk those people. Fuck them right off. That...

...is really embarrassing. Like I just I'm so fucking sick of this ship happening all the time. Like, first of all, like, if if you're a man, then we'll be having a totally different discussion. Good for you, like fucking good for you. and to like be Um. Imagine if she was to live to measure a private like blacked out accounts, so we wouldn't know. Yikes. If you're a Lib, there's not advice for you. Do not succeed. You sound highly competent and skilled. Do not need be insecure. She sounds like she's got too many pains for it to be a liberal woman or an ELM people woman. Anyway. No, sorry, if she was an ELM peopleman, she'd have to be sleeping with him, because that's the only that's the only way they give women a leg up in the LMP. Sorry, that's actually inappropriate, because I don't believe those women had to, like, in quotations, sleep the way at the top, but I'm just saying only silent women get their way to the top, or women who are, yeah, or mouthpieces for the patriarchy. Anyway, anyway, anyway, Um, if you are if you have been like Um, you know, selected or like acknowledged or someone has noticed your um ability or potential or whatever you want to call it for leadership, Um in a space like that, at this age, then you should be like really happy with yourself and anyone who's not happy with you has a fucking alternate agenda. And like that, unfortunately as politics, and that's why we really need people like that in politics because, like as you can fucking see who else in the like. I'm sorry, but if you're in progressive politics and you're actually like that towards a colleague, then you're fucking not living your values. No, it's always and it's funny because people don't really recognize potential in situations like that. They're never willing to actually acknowledge the person's competency or skills. It's always about what's happening behind the scenes and gossiping about that. There must be some ulterior motival or another answer Um, in terms of how to handle it. I would make jokes back at them about how old they are. I do that sometimes for fun. If, like, someone is like I reckon the minding and I'm like, when was that? I wasn't even born then it's like last night we're at a work event, something about my age came up and obviously I usually perpetuate the joke because I think I'm insecure about it and I bring it up before other people bring it up, because we work with our work our workplace is mostly like middle aged men. So one of the things is that, like last night, when we're at this event, someone made to joke about my age and I went, Oh, yeah, here's the next one. I've got pairs of shoes. It's not funny and I do. That's disgusting. I just yeah, like I would definitely start doing...

...that. And like women splaining, Jen Z splaining, perhaps zoomer splaining things to them, just like you can play at that game, mate. These people are so sensitive, so freaking sensitive, and they're just fucking upset because, like, they weren't picked at twenty three. We don't know how old she is. I thought she for some reason I thought she was okay. Well, early twenties is like the CAP, then probably younger than twenty three. Good for you. You should be really proud of yourself. You should. We're proud of you. We're really proud of you and hopefully you can find some like. Are there like other people in the vicinity of like, if you're in an electoral office, probably not, but if you like work in parliament, then hopefully there are some other young stuffers around you who I'm sure are going through the same thing, because there's this weird thing about like earning your place. Like I think, I actually think that. I think it is absurd that like a like a MP elect or a candidate is picked based on the fact that they've been around there for two decades. Like, I'm sorry, that doesn't make you good and actually it probably makes you not good, because why, then, haven't you become an MP before this? Like we need young people in the movement, in the Progressive Movement, engaging. Its aging exactly, and I'm over it. Bolish old people. The last one, just kid, didn't bolish old people. Is Sleeping around and constantly finding new ment to fuck, just an avoidance tactic to not deal with my recent affair with my best friend against my long term partner, who I thought was the one. Again. So this is what I clarified, because I said so you had an affair with your best friend while you had a long term partner, and I said yes, okay, I keep telling myself I'm focusing on me and bettering myself and finding myself. But how can I be sure it's not just a repeat of when I was eighteen and seeking validation through other people set for gratification? There's a bit in brackets which I'm not sure Abou Reading, but I'm going to read and see what we do, which has its own story and TB it. Probably first need advice on how to deal with those awful experiences that I realized now, years later, we're actually rape and sexual assault, but at the time I told myself it was my fault. Um, we're not going to do you advice online, because that you need to see therapy. I didn't read the Tillian. I fully disassociated and didn't feel any guilt for four months, which allowed me to let the affair continue because I was subconsciously scared my partner's poor mental health. Man, he wouldn't survive finding out the truth. Jesus, okay, the only reason I feel a bit like is because of the wording used in that first bit. That said finding other men, and I wonder if that's like the I don't know, just using that language makes me think like maybe you are doing something that's like a bit self sabotage, e. But in terms of the act on its own, like like who cares? Well, I just...

I don't like it's the way it's framed, because I think it's the question this person is posing for advice versus the context given, like I don't really want to allieviate your guilt and I don't really want about the affair. Yeah, like, I'm sorry, but that's really bad. Yes, and I also don't sorry. Should laugh. The way he said that was just very funny to me. That's what it's probably the worst also because if I found out, like the thing is is the vibes it gives me is like your partner is probably worried, like this is the person to be worried about. It's always like that. You know the person that they worry well, they or even if they weren't worried, just feeling so betrayed by it. Yeah, one thing for a stranger and it's another thing for someone that you're intimate with in a very deeply personal way. Yes, also, it opens a question to be like, like, if I was the partner, I'd be like, how fucking long has it been going on for like why would you believe someone who said I've only be in a few months? But there's something so disturbing about and the aim of this isn't to make you feel bad if you're listening, there's something just so disturbing to me. But you, as I say, as I fucking not sorry. There's something so disturbing about the fact that your best friend then had this one up on the partner as well. So I'm like you would have seen each other and it's like you're both keeping this secret, like it's not like you went out and had a one night stand with a stranger and then came back and we're just guilty and just awful. It's like there's some sort of specific betrayal about this, right, but I also get it because you're very close to both of these people. So I'm like, at least in a way it's more meaningful, but that kind of makes it worse. So, aside from all of that, you were in love, then it would be one thing. Also, like, okay, this is fucking harsh. I don't like the fact that this person has said, like you kept it from your partner because of their poor mental health, like no, you didn't want to be caught. But also it's like I just like don't really care when people say, like, Oh, it's so hard to tell, like you did it. Yeah, I'm sorry you did it, but again, it's like you're not keeping it from them because, like, okay, so you wouldn't have cheated in the first place because of their mental health. How about that? How about not doing the act because it would hurt them when the eventual result is finding out? Yes, it's not about I think it's about guilt of getting caught and how difficult that would be. Not Not, because if it was about the implication on them, you never would have done in the first place. That's harsh. Sorry, it is. You're also not asking for advice on this stuff. You're asking for advice about the sexual gratification and I think a man totally different things, but you're sorry. So you're saying the persons. I mean, I think they are related. I think, Oh, you think it is a coping mechanism. Interesting. I think you just numb yourself and try not to feel. So you just fill the void with bodies. I think that you should see a professional. I mean, like I booked in a psychologists point, because I got I got drunk one night and that was sad. So this is way more reason one. But the thing for me is like, I guess I just don't want it to I don't want it to sound like we're saying and like Um, like being like, you know, sexually...

...promiscuous, if that's what you want to know, does a bad thing. But potentially, like if this was my friend telling me this, I'd be like maybe you're trying to like distract yourself from something. I think also takes a lot of time to do that. It's like you're you're definitely filling your time with this these endeavors. Absolutely, it's also, Um, I think it's just hard to give advice on something like this because on one hand, if I was cheated on, I would be like send them to the electric chair, right, but then when someone tells me they cheated on someone and they're like struggling and I'm like, Oh, you're not evil, it's okay, but it's really hard to sort of rationalize those two standpoints. Like I think that people who are in a monogamous, committed relationship and shot on their partners, that is one of the most awful things you can do to another person. But then I also don't think that that's Um something that can't be redeemed or can't be you can't be absolved off, you can't fix, you can't learn from and grow from and become a better person. I just think that you need to sit and I think you need to sit in the pain and the guilt that you feel. I truly think that you need to be punished for what you've done in by it from wow, I truly no, I'm sorry, but like, cheating is one of those things where, like, and maybe maybe it's a boring header review, but like, I am a highly monogamous person. If someone did that to me, it would scar me for fucking years. Really, if you didn't find us a completely insufferable come back next Wednesday for a new episode. You could also find us on instagram at cheek media co or online at Cheek Media Dot Com. Dott you, yes, that's the one. That's the one.

In-Stream Audio Search

NEW

Search across all episodes within this podcast

Episodes (94)